Setting boundaries in relationships is a great way to have a healthy relationship. Many people feel setting boundaries in relationships is not necessary. They believe that if someone loves them they should know what their expectations are and what their boundaries are. Wrong. Your partner is not a mind reader, so you both need to be clear about your expectations of the relationship and each other.
It is important to be as specific as possible, so don’t be afraid to express yourself freely. When you and the one you love give yourselves the freedom to express yourselves you build better communication. This also leaves little room for misunderstandings or miscommunication. Without boundaries in a relationship it is not possible for the relationship to be healthy because there is no respect. Each person in the relationship has the responsibility of letting the other know what their boundaries are. It is up to the other person to then respect those boundaries.
Setting Boundaries in Relationships
So what boundaries are important to you? Look back and your past relationships first. Think of what is really important to making you happy with the relationship. Look at what you did and didn’t get to figure out what you need going forward. Be honest with yourself and don’t be unrealistic. If you know what could be a deal breaker for you, say it. Don’t be afraid of the others reaction. Better to know now rather than later.
So many people ask us if their new relationship will work out, and here is one way to see where it is headed. If they won’t agree to your boundaries then you know it really won’t work. You need to establish boundaries right away when it comes to sex, and behavior towards members of the opposite sex. If you are having sex and need monogamy then convey that to your partner. If you do not want them texting or calling members of the opposite sex then say so.
It is a good idea to discuss how you expect each other to handle your exes. Time management is another area where boundaries should be places. You may both be busy and have many excuses not to see one another. If you create a boundary where more than 2 weeks without seeing one another is inexcusable then you both are more apt to make it a priority. Communication expectations in huge, especially from our experience, with women. If you expect a certain level of communication, say so right away. Let them know ahead of time that if they don’t even have time to text you for three days you are going to be pissed off.
If either of you has children boundaries must be set their as well. There are already boundaries more than likely set with visitation (if that is the case) and your time together must be as important. How involved you will both be in the children’s (from past relationships) lives and upbringing should be discussed as well. If during visitation you would like some alone time with your children, then speak up. The more both of you speak honestly from the get go about what works for each of you and won’t work betters the chances for harmony down the road.